Today (after four days of utter food and alcohol debauchery in Del Mar, CA) I began a new lifestyle. I refuse to use the word diet. “Diet” in the United States generally conjures images of obese or weighty persons losing excess pounds. How paradoxical since in Third World countries one might easily say, “their diet consists of water, grub worms, and any available vegetation.” Short of moving to a Third World country to get my cholesterol (288) under control, I’m choosing an alternative lifestyle.
This however, does not include prescription statin drugs like Lipitor or Crestor. One of the (seriously) adverse side effects to these statins is muscular pain and weakness. As I explained to my doctor, whether due to my three times a week tennis, previous sports injuries or just my age, I always have muscular pains. With that in mind, I’ve decided to give healthful eating a go in order to lower my cholesterol.
This is going to be nightmare. Right off the bat, I’m not nor have ever been much of a fruit eater. Give me chocolate or cheese for dessert anytime. Fruit makes me pucker big time. I can hardly stand eating chicken, either. I’ve cooked so damn much of it over the years raising a family that the sight of a juicy thick white (slimy) breast finds me whipping out a butcher knife in order to chop the offending tissue into little non-threatening pieces. I couldn’t even tolerate the smell of turkey for years after my father’s death one Thanksgiving.
I’m fruit and poultry challenged, which is going to make my cholesterol-free lifestyle a real test of endurance: A test that has already begun. My breakfast consisted of a bowl of Quaker Oats with blueberries. Normally, I would have a half slice of wheat toast with organic peanut butter.
Today I tossed a handful of frozen berries into dry oatmeal, covered the mix with non-fat Smart Balance Omega 3 and Vitamin E enhanced milk, and put it in the microwave for two minutes. Nothing happened.
I took it out, stirred the lukewarm (and now a nasty purple) mixture and put it back in for another two minutes. (I think the frozen berries were the problem.) I then watched in horror as the porridge began to go through a slow-motion, lava-like eruption over the sides of the bowl and onto the microwave platter. Breakfast was served.
It’s taken me forty-five minutes to eat a little over half a bowl of the sticky, plum-colored goopy mess sitting here on my desk. Lunch is going to consist of a very finely sliced chicken breast on Orowheat thin-sliced multi grain sandwich bread (mustard, no mayo—oh spare me!) and a half-cup of assorted fruit.
If I’m still alive by dinner, I’ll broil a small pork chop and steam a medley of vegetables, accompanied by a glass of red wine (guaranteed to put me nearly into a coma) instead of my usual vodka martini or two.
Day One has only just begun.
